the stuff legends are made of...

In the past two days, I've had four, count'em FOUR run-ins with our most notoriously ridiculous customer, once Mrs. X (name witheld to protect all involved). She's a lady in, shall we say, the last stretch of her life (she's old, get over it). Let's just say that I was warned about her long before I had the oh-so-enchanting experience of making her aquaintance yesterday afternoon.

Mrs. X is o-b-s-e-s-s-e-d with books. Not just any books, but books that we don't carry. And she wants them all in hardcover. It's her "thing". And she's rude. Her ability to strip the last shreds of dignity from your already ravaged retail-working soul is tremendous. And me, well I'm new, therefore incompetant in her eyes.

So, after hearing about her for weeks, I finally had my first Mrs. X experience yesterday. She came up to the desk, looked at me for about a half a second and snapped "Who are you?" I gave her my name, she leaned in and shouted "WHO???" I gave her my name again and she said "Oh, like Bankhead" and smiled, and I said "Yes, exactly." I thought that maybe the legends were exaggerated, or at the very least that my warm smile and lovely name would pacify her. Not so. Her smile quickly disappeared and she backed up and snapped "No, you won't do. You're too new. I bet you can't do anything" (Now, this is actually what she said. I'm not taking any liberties here.) So I gladly stepped away and waited for my kind and patient co-worker to come back. Then Mrs. X ordered some book, bought another (after yapping about it for 15 minutes to her friend - the fact that she has a friend shocked everyone on staff), insisted that said friend receive a discount card because, well, she's a friend of Mrs. X's, yacked and yacked (loudly, I might add) in the middle of the main walkway in the store for another 15 or so minutes, and finally left. Phew. I was partly excited to have finally crossed paths with such a wonderfully, how can I put this, colourful person.

Well, I came into work at 11am this morning, and my kind and patient co-worker informed me that Mrs. X had already called to make sure the book she had ordered was indeed ordered. Then she proceeded to tell my kind and patient co-worker that she was in the process of upgrading her hearing aid. Conveniently after my kind and patient co-worker had left for her lunch break, the phone rings. Verbatum conversation (I wrote it down right after, so I wouldn't forget):

Me: Good afternoon, (insert name of bookstore here)
Cranky voice: Is (insert name of my kind and patient co-worker here) there?
Me: I'm sorry, she's just left for her lunch
Cranky voice: Who is this?
Me: (insert my name here)
Cranky voice: WHO?
Me: (insert my name here)
*CLICK*
*dialtone*
The call display distinctly read Mrs. X

This happened again (exact same conversation) about 20 minutes later - hang-up included.

Then, for her third call, after following the same conversation pattern, chose, instead of hanging up on me, to ask if "anyone who knows anything" was there. I gladly passed the phone to my manager and let him order her crappy hardcover book for her.

Now I've always been taught along the lines of 'you get more flies with sugar than lemons...' or 'treat others the way you want to be treated,' and I've followed that kind of wisdom forever. You know what though? She gets what she wants every damn time.