cellphones are better anyways...

When I started working at the bookstore, I was expecting to cross paths with enlightened minds - writers, readers, people who at least know their left from their right. Well, I have been let down. Perhaps I can blame the location, we are, afterall, right smack dab in the middle of one of the busiest and sketchiest stretches in the city. I thought our target demographic were educated, informed, literate folks, ready to suck up new information like those pretty pink sponges I use to wash my dishes. Ladies and gentlemen, I was sorely mistaken.

I will devote this blog to relaying stories of the insane, the idiotic and the incompetant. In other words, our customers. We thank them for buying our merchandise, but we secretly ridicule them for being, well, dumbasses.

Some things we can let slide... if you call up the day of a Noam Chomsky lecture looking for tickets, we'll kindly inform you that they've been sold out for months. THIS IS CHOMSKY, PEOPLE! HE SELLS BETTER AND FASTER THAN UGG BOOTS FOR CHRIST'S SAKE! I guess I should put this one in a little more perspective. See, Noam Chomsky, especially since 9/11, has become, well, bigger than Jesus. We have two whole shelves dedicated to his and only his books. He is THE authority for liberal-minded quasi-intellectuals. And when it is announced that he is going to be doing a lecture in a month and a half YOU BUY YOUR TICKETS RIGHT AWAY. Now, maybe I'm not being fair. This isn't just a case of people waiting too long to get the chance to hear an old man drone on about American foreign policy and international relations. Blame is in part due to the nice folks who put on tonight's festivities, who provided us with about 10 tickets, and then stuck our logo on all their promotional material, including websites and posters, leading fans to believe that we had more than our paultry 10 tickets - that we were, in fact, a legitimate ticket seller. Not so. Oh. And if you call looking for NORM Chomsky tickets, or NAOMI Chomsky tickets, or NAAM Chomsky tickets, prepared for a smug and impatient response from a smug and impatient bookseller.


And no, you can neither redeem nor collect indigo rewards. And no, you cannot use your Coles card. And no, our computers do not tell us what Chapters has in stock. And no, you cannot get your magazine tax free because it's dog-eared, even if you snap "Well, it's a good thing I'm not seventeen and want to put this on my wall" ("this" being a cover picture of snoop dog - cause, you know, there's no other pictures or posters of him out there). And no, WE DO NOT SELL PAGERS (think about the name of the bookstore, and this one makes a bit more sense. It's not good sense, but it's some kind of sense, that's for sure.)

Tomorrow is another 8 hours of "No, you can't borrow a book from us." and "Yes, we sell non-fiction" and "No, your other left."

And the truth is, I actually really enjoy my job. Go figure.